Available Cards

*** PLEASE NOTE***** THE INSIDE BOTTOM OF ALL CARDS CARRY (IN SMALL PRINT) THIS DISCLAIMER:

"The contents of this card are absolutely not, and should in no way, be construed as a threat of any kind. They are merely the sincere opinions, hopes, wishes, dreams, and/or desires of someone who detests the recipient. Perhaps you should be more considerate of others. Just a suggestion. You too can send anyone a Phukk Off card at Phukkoff.com"

**Warning: If you are currently under a court-authorized restraining order of non-contact with your intended recipient we suggest you do not use this service. While you have a Constitutional Right to tell someone to go fuck themselves as many times as you like, if the cops come calling with a supeona we're going to have to give them your name.**

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Go to CATEGORIES LIST
Go to ASSHOLES IN THE NEWS CATEGORY

GENERAL NASTINESS:

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue............. But a Piece of Shit Smells Just Like You.

Just Hearing Your Name........... Makes me want to vomit, you disgusting pig!

Space - The Final Frontier..... That's because I can't get far enough away from you, you asshole.

An Eternal Mystery..... is just how many people think you are a complete and utter asshole.

Make The World a Better Place............ DROP DEAD!

Nothing Like A Good Meal......... So Eat Shit and Die.

You Remind Me of The Statue of Liberty..... Because she's got an asshole that's around 6 feet tall just like you. Only you're a BIGGER Asshole.

Big Things Come In Small Packages............ Despite your short height you are still the BIGGEST ASSHOLE I've ever seen. FUCK YOU!!!

Some people see things as they are and ask why.... I look at you and ask 'How the fuck did a scumbag like that ever evolve?'

With Every Sunrise Comes A Wish.......... Every day someone out there is wishing you die, you miserable piece of shit.

Every Hour of Every Day....... I hope and pray you will die, you scumbag.

From the Depths of My Soul....... I hope and pray something horrible happens to you.

Sincere Wishes........ That you get an incurable disease. Hurry up, Hell's awaiting you, you scumbag piece of shit.

A Wish for All Eternity........ is that you roast in the scalding fires of Hell. Amen.

Oh Lord, Please Answer My Prayer......... That you get burned to death trapped inside of a car accident. Amen.

The One Unanswsered Question is.... What makes you so obnoxious? Is it because you're fat or because you're ugly or BOTH???

Some Things Never Change...Sure, you can go on a diet and lose all that fat, but your ugliness goes all the way down to the bone.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall.... Why am I such a ugly fat asshole?

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall.... How did I end up as such a disgusting cocksucking asshole?

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall.... How did I end up as such a bitchy cocksucking asshole?

A Special Song......... Fuck You. Your mother and your sister too.

A Special Song......... Fuck You. Your mother and your brother too.

A Special Song......... Fuck You. Your mother and your father too.

A Special Song......... Fuck You. Your father and your brother too.

A Special Song......... Fuck You. Your father and your sister too.

A Special Song......... Fuck You. Your father, mother, and your sister too.

A Special Song......... Fuck You. Your father, mother, and your brother too.

How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways..... ZERO. But I hate you in a million ways you lousy bastard.

How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways..... ZERO. But I hate you in a million ways you miserable bitch.

You're a Real Doll.......... That's right. I've got a real voodoo doll of you which I stick pins in every day, you miserable piece of scum.

The Sky's the Limit............. and hoping you'll fall to your death from a great height,

Everyday I Say a Prayer..... Every single day I pray that you'll get stomach cancer and die a miserably painful death.

It's The Trip Of A Lifetime!..... Wouldn't it be great if you tripped and fell off the edge of the Grand Canyon? Fuck you, asshole!

 

PARTY INVITATIONS:

You're Invited! ........... To go to Hell for being such an obnoxious asshole.

We're Having A Party!!! ...... To celebrate the day you die! Glad you won't be able to make it but please hurry up and DROP DEAD, you scumbag.

Invitation .......... His Excellency, Satan, Lord of the Underworld, invites you to an evening of eternal roasting in the depths of Hell. Your name's on the list. No RSVP required.

Come And Celebrate! .... Next Friday is National Scumbag Piece of Shit Asshole Night. You will be honored by an All-You-Can-Eat-Shit Buffet, you Asshole.

 

HOLIDAY THEMED:

Hoping To See You This Holiday Season..... In a coffin you piece of shit.

Seasons Greetings............ May you be covered in Seasoning when you Roast in Hell you bastard.

Seasons Greetings........ To a Miserable BASTARD

Seasons Greetings........ To a Miserable BITCH

How Wonderful It Would Be to See You.... On the obituary page.

May the Joy of the Holiday Season..... be the long awaited news that you've died.

The Only Sign of the Zodiac.... that you deserve is CANCER. We're hoping you get it soon. Hurry up and die you fuck.

The Only Sign of the Zodiac.... that you deserve is CANCER. We're hoping you get it soon. Hurry up and die you miserable old fuck.

Looking Forward This Christmas......... to reading your obituary.

Christmas is a Season of Joy.... And you would make someone really happy if you DROP DEAD this December.

Bring Joy to the World This Holiday Season........... DROP DEAD YOU FUCK.

Thinking of You this Holiday Season........... And truly hoping you die, you miserable piece of shit.

Happy New Year........ Here's hoping it will be your last, you asshole!

Happy Mother's Day............. You motherfucking asshole.

Happy Mother's Day............. You miserable slut.

You are a Child of God....... And only God knows why he created a miserable piece of shit like you.

It's That Special Time of Year............ When I curse you, spit upon your memory, and pray that you die. Asshole.

Thinking of You This Time of Year........... Makes me want to vomit. You're a digusting slob, a piece of human excrement, a worthless pile of shit.

 

EX-LOVERS:

Everyone Deserves a Little Joy on the Holidays....... So I'm hoping you get penile cancer.

Everyone Deserves a Little Joy on the Holidays....... So I'm hoping you get ovarian cancer.

Everyone deserves a little joy on the Holidays....... Except a miserable bitch like you.

Everyone deserves a little joy on the Holidays....... Except a miserable bastard like you.

Holiday Cheer........ is hearing you've contracted herpes.

Nothing Would Bring a Smile to my Face......... like hearing you'd been disfigured in an accident.

You Could Be The Light Of My Life........... if you got horribly burned in a fire.

The Years Haven't Changed You......... I still have a seething venomous hatred for you, you miserable cunt.

The Years Haven't Changed You........ I still have a seething venomous hatred for you, you miserable dick.

I Have a Secretl Fantasy......... It's that you get dysentary so you can appreciate what a huge asshole you really are.

 

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS:

Good Tidings on Your Birthday......... Would be hearing that this one was your last.

Best Wishes on Your Birthday......... My Best Wish is that it's your last one, you bastard.

Best Wishes on Your Birthday......... My Best Wish is that it's your last one, you bitch.

The Best Thing About Your Birthday.......... is knowing you're one year closer to being dead.

Love & Hope............ I'd LOVE to hear that you've dropped dead and HOPE that you do.

Do The World A Favor This Birthday.......... DROP DEAD.

 

BUSINESS & THE WORKPLACE:

Sincere Wishes ........... Wishing you nothing but failure and bankruptcy you unscrupulous bastard.

Here's to Some Exciting News from Work ........ Hoping to hear you've been killed in a car accident. Drive carelessly you asshole.

Everyone's Happy to See Your Back .......... Think so? Well actually no one is. That's because you are a miserable back-stabbing DIRTBAG.

Thinking of You ........... And hoping you die.

Congratulations on Your Promotion .......... It just proves that in the little pond we call our workplace scum does rise to the top.

From Everyone at the Office ......... When they see you they think "Here comes that piece of shit again."

The Meaning of Life ....... is hard to decipher when scum like you continues to survive.

Everyone at the Office is Wondering ......... Could you tell us just how is life as a clueless moron?

You Are, You Are, You Are ........ absolutely hated by everyone at work.

You Are, You Are, You Are ........ absolutely hated by everyone at the office.

Whistle While You Work .......... Because it won't make a difference, you'd still be a jerk.

 

REVENGE:

Greetings .......... I just sent the Taxman a letter that you've been cheating on your taxes. Ha-ha-ha you fucker.

A Special Note to Your Husband .......... Tell that bastard husband of yours to keep his hands off my slut wife. He's knows who.

A Special Note to Your Wife .......... Tell that slut cunt wife of yours to stop seeing my husband. Ask her to deny it.

A Special Note For Your Husband .......... He needs to go to a doctor and get tested for chlamydia.

A Special Note For Your Wife .......... She needs to go to a doctor and get tested for chlamydia.

From an Old High School Classmate ....... You fucking piece of shit, I've hated you for years and hope you fucking die, asshole.

From an Old College Classmate ....... You fucking piece of shit, I've hated you for years and hope you fucking die, asshole.

A Remembrance of Things Past ........... I used to fuck your wife, even after you married the slut, you asshole.

A Remembrance of Things Past ........... I used to fuck your husband, even after you married the asshole, you dumb bitch.

Tit for Tat ............ You know what you did. Well now it's my turn. Guess how. Wait for it. It's coming.

Some Say The Glass Is Half Full ........ But Hell is only half empty so hurry up and die you piece of shit.

 

POLITICIANS:

Dear President Trump .......... Each letter you receive represents the opinion of at least ten thoudand like-minded individuals. We all wanted you to know we think you are a COMPLETE ASSHOLE!

Dear Senator .............. Each letter you receive represents the opinion of at least a thousand like-minded individuals. We all wanted you to know we think you are a COMPLETE ASSHOLE!

Dear Congressman ........... Each letter you receive represents the opinion of at least a thousand like-minded individuals. We all wanted you to know we think you are a COMPLETE ASSHOLE!

Dear Congresswoman .......... Each letter you receive represents the opinion of at least a thousand like-minded individuals. We all wanted you to know we think you are a COMPLETE ASSHOLE!

Dear Mayor ............ Each letter you receive represents the opinion of at least a thousand like-minded individuals. We all wanted you to know we think you are a COMPLETE ASSHOLE!

Dear Councilmember ............. Each letter you receive represents the opinion of at least a thousand like-minded individuals. We all wanted you to know we think you are a COMPLETE ASSHOLE!

Dear Representative ............. Each letter you receive represents the opinion of at least a thousand like-minded individuals. We all wanted you to know we think you are a COMPLETE ASSHOLE!